The chill of loneliness

​Today I am lonely. Most days I am so busy with my everyday life that I don’t even notice I’m alone. 

I have children who love me but sometimes can’t stand me (pretty typical with teens). I have family who care for me and would do anything for me… I just wish there weren’t so many miles between us. I have the members of my church and of my community who smile and wave and engage in small talk from time to time. I also have those few friends who offer a warm embrace and a sincere “How are you?” when running into them in this small town I call home. Friends at work miss my laughter and my smile when I’m not there. And I know that I have a Father in Heaven who is always there for me.

For this I feel a sense of guilt when I allow this empty space in my heart to ache and weep. Today I grieve time that’s passed, friends that have come and gone, relationships failed and my youth slipping away. I have not a hand to hold through this. These days of loneliness don’t come far too often but when they do they hit me in the center turning my spirits a damp, bluish grey. We were meant to have companionship, we were not meant to be alone in this. ‘Patients. Learn from these trials. Enjoy this gift of solace.’ I try to console the murmuring throbs filled with tears comming from the empty space within my chest.

Gratitude

(Can you find the kitty in this photo?)

The never ending battle of chores! Cleaning your house with children is like shoveling snow during a blizzard! 
I had a friend who once posted on her Facebook something like this: 

I am grateful for dirty laundry to wash, fold and put away because it means we have clothes to wear.

I am grateful for dirty dishes- we have food in our bellies. 

I am grateful for toys strewn from one end of the house to the other- children play here.

I am grateful for hectic schedules, running kids here and there- one day they’ll be grown and I’m going to miss this. 

I am grateful for dirty toilets to scrub- indoor plumbing!

I am grateful for raking leaves and mowing grass- a beautiful reminder of God’s divine creations just outside my window. 

…and on and on she went. I admire this woman who always has a way of seeing the silver lining in every situation. I sometimes struggle with being grateful for the never ending battle of laundry and dishes and everyday chores and then I remember her words and remind myself to be grateful for all that we have. 

ISO Wife

ISO Wife 

Must adore toddlers and teenagers. πŸ‘Ά πŸ‘§

Must be an excellent cook. πŸ²

Must love to clean toilets, wash laundry, clean dishes and all household duties. πŸ‘— πŸ‘–  πŸ½ πŸš½

Must have matchless driving and taxi skills πŸš•. Will be required to drive children to various sports and activities. 

Must have vast experience in refereeing and negotiating skills in dealing with toddler and teen siblings.  

Must have a great sense of humor and be able to make me laugh. Experience in comedy is preferred. πŸ˜‚

Must be willing to tell me how amazing and beautiful I am DAILY! 

Foot and back rubs every night are a requirement, LMT preferred. 

Must be proficient in writing and be able to write an inspiring and unforgettable entry on my blog weekly. βœ

Must love chick flicks and will be in charge of popping the popcorn. 

Must except payment in the form of compliments. 

Serious inquiries only please. 😜

Hopeful

So many things to be grateful for in 2016. So many things to look forward to in 2017!

I’ve seen and heard so much widespread hatred for the year of 2016 over social media and through friends and family. So many people longing to put this year to rest and move into a new, fresh year with a clean slate. I, for one have had hardships over the past year but I believe it’s all about perspective. There’s going to be failures, there’s going to be grief, there’s going to be dark times, gloomy days and moments of despair. It’s a part of life. Without rain we wouldn’t have rainbows, without darkness we wouldn’t know light and without sadness we would never know what it’s like to feel pure joy. Take a look around you and be grateful for what you have, where you’re at and the people you have in your life. Take a quick second to look back over the past 365 days and the trials attached to them. What lessons did you learn from them? How did you grow from these experiences? If you’re looking back with regret for choices you made, how are you going to make the necessary positive changes in your life so that when you are looking back you’re looking back with pride and a happy heart instead of sadness and regret? Now set these lessons you’ve taken aside and look back at the positive experiences you had. When you felt joy, the times you laughed, if you experienced something new and exciting, the accomplishments you made and the times you witnessed pure beauty. Take all these precious moments along with all the lessons and experiences you learned, gather them up in your arms and face forward. Leave the guilt, the regret, the failures, the pain and the sorrow in the past and move forward with this new knowledge you carry with you. We are forever growing in wisdom, love and light if we are learning from past mistakes, leaving the negative behind us, being charitable and humble, being present in our every day lives and looking forward to the future with hope.

I have created a healthy list of goals for this upcoming year. So many hopes …starting with uping my game in the blogging world! There are 52 weeks in a year. My goal is to post at least 52 blogs in 2017, that’s just 1 blog a week. I was going to try to hit one a day, however, I know myself and my busy schedule all too well and that would be a bit too ambitious for me! When deciding to start a blog my daughter asked “Mom, how in the world are you going to have time for a blog?” My response- “I’ll make time! Watch me!” πŸ™‚

Happy New Years!! May your life be filled with abundance! Hopeful“>Hopeful

In the safety of my bed

​When you have to put your big girl panties on to take care of the responsibilities of the day, you hold yourself together through work, you hold yourself together to pick up the baby from the sitters, you hold yourself together getting the things you need at the store, you come home and you continue holding yourself together as you do your chores… and then comes the moment when you are able to snuggle up to your precious baby boy, wrapped up together under your warm fuzzy blanket in your comfy jammies. Listening to his quiet snore and his tiny heart beat. Feeling his warmth and his sweet baby breath on ur cheek. Here, in the safety of my bed is where I can finally let go and let myself fall apart.

The best Christmas gift of all! πŸŽ…πŸŽ„πŸŽβ›„β„

Merry Christmas from our family to yours! This morning IΒ was lucky enough to have all five of my children with me under one roof. I cannot explain to you the joy I felt or how full my heart was for those few precious hours! The love I have for each one of my kids grows every day. Watching these beautifully amazing children quickly growing into adulthood is the most cherished gift of all! Next year Morgan will be 18 and a domino effect will follow… this brings me incredible delight to see them spread their wings and fly! Though, at the same time this brings me much sorrow for the realization that my babies will be off on their own living their own lives away from me in a very short time. Cherish every moment you have when they are little for it’s only a short time and then they will be gone. I am truly grateful for this Christmas season with my kids all still being “kids”! Next year will start a new journey for all of us. Happy holidays!